It is late and I can't sleep again as the neighbors below me are fussing at each other and they have a new puppy which is making his/her own noise. There must be something I can do about this. Other neighbors have complained so many times that the landlord now takes a deep breath when I called him the other day. It was my second time complaining. I called about the smelly water coming out of the bathroom faucet but added in at the end of the call (hey, had him on the line anyway, so...) that they were continuing to be bothersome. I have not called him in many many days but tomorrow I will need to telephone him again and explain (1) move them or (2) move me! Eight is acceptable. I need to be on the ground floor anyway. The stairs are becoming a problem and then because of them I don't go out for walks as much because the thought of climbing them when I come back is so unpleasant to think about that I just don't go in the first place.

I am missing Win tonight. But, I did as David suggested and sent him a message that said "I love you, Win. But, I am no longer going to chase you. If you decide that you want me, I will be here for you." This is what David said to do and I did it, although I don't think he'll actually come around and quite frankly I'm not sure I want him too. Six years of this mess is enough. I need to move on, seriously move on and that does not mean a new 'man' or an attempt to date either. Not this time. I need my time to be only for me. I need to focus on my quilting; my writing; my gardening; my walking; my earning a living so I can eat properly and pay the bills when due; and I need to focus on my health. I need to see three doctors (1) an optometrist for new glasses (2) a cardiologist for my heart (two leaky valves) and (3) a general practitioner for a really good check up, one that can refer me for a mammogram and prescribe something for my depression, although I really do not want to take anything that makes it difficult for me to lose my weight; and (5) the dentist to finish fixing my teeth. All these doctor visits are needed! I need to get on with it. And, I need to join a gym and go!! I have a marvelous book about what I need to do to tone and get back into shape for my sixty-five year old body and it sounds like it will work for me so I should give it a good old fashioned try. Belly up to the bar, so to speak; run the mile!! Just Do It! And I shall.

Steven wants me to live with him for a while so I can pay him back the money I owe him and I really do not want to to this but I may need too. I am not sure it is a really good idea except for, of course, paying him back which would be done in about four months or less. But, then what? I would love to visit Mountain View again and see all my old friends and see my sister-in-law, Yvonne Maughn and her son Nicky. I believe he still lives with her. Her other son Tony lives in Southern California for what I've heard. I don't keep in touch with Yvonne all that much after my brother Eddie passed on. I should but then I don't keep in touch with Helen that much either. I keep in touch with all my other cousins but it seems that Helen and I just have gotten off track, that's all, we are off track of calling and writing. I will write to her tomorrow. I should write to her.

I am not sure I will get much of a bonus from doing taxes this year and this is a huge disappointment. I am nearly 100% discouraged. I keep telling myself "chin up, you've been through worse" but my mind doesn't seem to listen too well.

Julie is coming with a friend of hers on Saturday. Her friend wants me to look at her tax return and give advise on how to prepare for next year. I don't know what she does so I don't know what I'm getting into! And, of course, Julie will be there and I don't like giving tax advise in the presence of a non-related individual. I don't think Julie understands how this could be professionally unsatisfactory. I'll handle it ... I always handle things like this so I will this too.

I'm so old looking; so old. I am beginning to look like my grandmother Mary Francis Self-Wehunt. She passed away at 94.10 years. I will live this long too. So, I'd best get on with taking better care of myself. If I am going to live as long, or longer, than my grandmothers and aunts (most in their late nineties) I want these final years to be filled with health, fun and pleasures; filled with happiness (that is where Winfred came in) and adventure. I would love to earn enough money the next five or six years so I can put back quiet a bit and then I can travel some. I can travel a little now but only a little. I want to go to Europe and Africa. I'm not so keen on going to Asia or Hawaii of any other Island for that matter but perhaps I might like to go to Sidney, Australia. I'm not sure if I want to take one of those ship tours though, they don't sound like my kind of thing. I'm not all that social, actually. I'm friendly as they come but not all that social. I can tour Canada now and the US states as well and I think I am going to do that this year. Weekend getaways sort of thing. Anyway, I want to be able to put back some money so I can travel.

All seem to have quietened down downstairs; they must have finally fallen asleep! I shall go to bed now. I am very sleepy all of the sudden. Good Night Win.