What I found has been the most disappointing experience and experiences of my life.
CHAPTER ONE
Part I
Accusations of the Heart
By: Mary Amanda Byers
Thoughts of an early Spring danced around in my head like a fine tune, perhaps "Melancholy Serenade" by Si Zeniner, his soft and fluid horn easing out the notes like spring buds on tree branches. It would be a long time before buds appeared on the flowering Pear trees outside my bedroom window though. And longer still before the grounds would be filled with the colors of greens and yellows, pinks and blues. Today, snow was still on the ground with more snow promised before the day was out. Spring, I thought, needs to hurry up and push Winter out of the way.
You see, when the notion to investigate Internet dating hit my pea size brain it was the same day I turned sixty-four. Now you might be thinking to yourself why a woman of senior years would consider this in the first place. I can tell you that no matter what age, love is never something one wants to do without. A baby needs its mother's love and until the day that baby dies at a ripe age of 102 that baby needs to give and to be loved. This is just the way it is. Oh, my life was good but it was missing that one element that brings joy in abundance into a woman's heart. Besides, I had been single over a dozen years and that was long enough. I had finished raising my children I had late in life and now it was my turn for some happiness. A little excitement. A little companionship.
As I said, it was my birthday when the notion struck me and it had been a busy morning, so busy it was late morning before was able to I slowly eased myself into a hot tub of bubbles infused with the scents of spring and ponder things like dating and the winters chill I wished would end. It wasn't that I disliked Winter. I loved the wintery snows that at first lightly dusted the grounds then turned into mounds on top of the Japanese Boxwoods and on top of the concrete benches and round table that had never had an umbrella placed into the spot designed for such placement. It was not winter that disturbed me. No wintery snow, brisk wind or even a below zero temperature were the cause of my disenchantment. And, if I were to be totally honest with myself it would take more than Spring to break my disenchanted spirits. No, not even infused bath crystals could take my mind to a place of inner calm even though this is what the box promised. I was not carried away.
Bad language spoken;
Babies crying
Overcooked biscuits
because mother insisted they be
left in for another two minutes.
Dolls being stolen
between Lexi & Mattie
Scarves for blankets being offered
to even the score;
Dishes left to clean later while I slipped into
a tub filled with hot water and crystals that
smelled of passion flowers but are labeled Green Tea;
Just another day; just another Sunday
to miss church for the tending to others;
No, please don't bake a cake! or fix a dish
for I am not in the mood to celebrate.
It's just another day, the same as the day before
for tending to others while I let myself slip away.
Today is not memorable, there is nothing remarkable,
easy, or serene about it to report to you;
Just the usual trysts and tasks that daily surround and
weave in and out of an ordinary day. My 64th birthday.
(copyright: 2009)
It had been the same day repeated for the thousandth time in a thousand consecutive days. Nothing unpleasant but nothing very exciting. I was living a dutiful existence in a lovely home filled with lovely things but my life was anything but lovely. After a long hot bath with scented salts I felt physically and mentally refreshed. I dressed in the comfortable clothes I had become adjusted to wearing and emerged to a family that loved me beyond reason and unanimously gave me an approval rating far above what I deserved or had earned. This is what unconditional love does, it give you what you may not have earned but it give it to you anyway. And, I joyfully received the accolades. Five wonderful grown children, each having children of their own. All wonderful. Why was I so sad?
CHAPTER ONE
Part II
(story line continued as a weekly posting)
